Shameful Secrets
by HannahWilliam33
Summary: Brittany Susan Pierce isn't stupid, but everyone thinks she is, except for the one person who is willing to dig beneath the surface. TW: Rape, possible self-harm I do not own Glee. Eventual Brittana Relationship.
1. The Night She Was Broken

**Here is a story in which Brittany Susan Pierce isn't stupid, but everyone thinks she is, except for the one person who is willing to dig beneath the surface.**

Brittany Susan Pierce had it all. She was a cheerleader, had a great family, and great parents. She was smart, had straight A's and never let anyone bring her down. However, all of that went to hell the summer before her freshmen year of high school.

She was at cheerleading camp, getting ready to cheer at McKinley High the next year. Brittany was ready to have the time of her life. That was until someone came into her cabin in the middle of the night and took advantage of her. She didn't know who it was or what really happened. All she knew is she felt something tear inside of her and she tried to whimper but a hand was covering her mouth and she heard a voice whisper in her ear, "Shhh….we don't want to wake up anybody now do we?" Brittany just nodded and let him finish.

After what felt like forever, whoever it was left, and she pulled her pants up and went to the bathroom. When she checked, she was bleeding, so she just sat on the toilet and cried. Then, she threw up and went back to bed. Something broke inside her that night and she was never the same again.

No one was up when she went back to bed so she just lay there until the sun came up. When someone asked her why her sheet was bloody, she claimed she started her period, and asked to go home because she felt sick to her stomach. They let her go home and she laid in bed for the rest of the summer.

Despite the summer's events, she still became a Cheerio and became best friends with Santana Lopez. However, she played dumb. Her grades plummeted and went along with whatever Santana did, which was usually what Coach Sylvester wanted them to do.

One year after her innocence was stolen, it still bothered her. However, she just told people she lost her virginity during an _alien invasion._ She even told her best friend, Santana that's what happened. However, Santana didn't believe her. One night during a sleepover at Brittany's house the summer before their sophomore year, Santana decided to question her.

"So…B, what happened during cheerleading camp last summer?"

"W-what are you talking about?"

"B…what happened?"

"I…I…I…" Brittany couldn't even get past that first letter before she started crying.

Santana immediately hugged her, rubbed her back, and said, "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to upset you. Here, we don't have to talk about it. Why don't we just lay down okay?"

"O-okay…" Brittany responded and they lay there peacefully for the rest of the night.

The rest of the summer went by somewhat peacefully. They didn't have to go to cheer camp that year since they were going to be sophomores and Brittany thanked whatever deity there was for that.

Once the school year started, they were on the Cheerios again with the ever powerful Quinn Fabray as the head cheerleader. Her and Santana usually did whatever she told them to do. Brittany never argued, she just stood there and did whatever it was she was told. No one other than Santana recognized her. She was practically invisible. That was okay though because that was exactly how she wanted herself to be.

During the first semester, Coach Sylvester asked them to join Glee to spy on them. So that's what Brittany did. She didn't want to spy for her coach but Santana did it, so she did it too. She wasn't her own person, she was constantly living in Santana's shadow and she was okay with that. Brittany also rarely spoke in Glee club unless it was to make some comment that just made people look at her like she was dumb. She wasn't really though. She just pretended to be.

The reason she pretended to be dumb was because she didn't see the point in being smart ever since her innocence had been taken away from her. No one ever bothered to get to know if she really was dumb or not other than Santana and even she didn't know the deepest darkest secrets that lay in the back of Brittany's mind. Brittany wanted to keep it that way. No one knew what happened to her and she didn't want anyone to know. That's why she never let anyone in,, because then she would have to open up her heart to all the shame she felt. No one ever messed with her. She didn't go out with anybody and she didn't want to. No one ever understood how much she was hurting, except for maybe Santana, and she wanted to keep it that way.

She was like this until one day she heard someone come up to her and whispered, "I hope you've kept our secret."

So she ran to the bathroom and threw up in a stall. This caused most of its occupants to leave. After a few minutes, Santana came in, walked up to Brittany and asked, "Are you okay?"

After a few minutes of looking into the mirror, Brittany answered truthfully, "No…"


	2. Not What You'd Expect

"Brittany…what's wrong?" asked Santana, who was genuinely worried about her blonde friend.

"He's here…San…he's here…" Brittany sobbed.

"Who's here?" Santana asked, standing behind her friend in the stall.

"Him…I'm gonna…" Brittany couldn't even finish her sentence before she had vomited all over the toilet.

When she saw some other girls come into the bathroom, she turned around with her best HBIC glare and told them to get out. After that, Santana rubbed Brittany's back and held her hair up and made sure she was okay, and then she asked again, "Brittany, is this about that time at Cheerios camp where you always say it was an alien invasion? A few tears slid down Brittany's cheek and she nodded.

"Sweetie, you have to tell someone…"

Brittany turned around, walked over to the sink, washed her face and looked in the mirror. Then she replied, "I just told you…besides…I don't even know who he is…I just know his voice and I heard it today…and besides, I can't…Santana, I can't…he knows who I am and now he goes here and what if he finds me and gets me again? Santana, I can't go through that…"

Santana immediately wrapped her best friend in a hug and said, "It won't. No one is going to hurt you, I promise. I won't let them."

"You can't promise that. I was at cheer camp. Santana, I'm never going to be normal again."

"Normal's overrated anyway and you are special and amazing just the way you are."

Santana wrapped her arms around Brittany again and after a few more minutes, she said, "If you hear his voice at all, you come tell me, okay?"

"Okay, Santana, I will, I promise…"

With that, they let go, linked pinkies, and walked to their next class. Classes flew by for the rest of the day until it was time for Glee club. When Brittany and Santana arrived in Glee, pinkies interlocked, they sat next to each other in the back row. They sat there until Mr. Schuster arrived with somebody behind him. Mr. Schuester walked in and said, "Everybody welcome our new member, Jesse St. James."

"Hello everyone, I am Jesse, and don't worry, I will give you each an autograph of me for when I am famous."

Santana rolled her eyes at this new dude while Brittany visibly gulped. Then, Brittany put her head on Santana's shoulders and tried to hide from the rest of the world during this hour, which seemed to go by slower than anything had in her entire life. Once Glee was over, she immediately ran out and sat in Santana's car until her best friend arrived there.

Once Santana got to the car, she saw how distressed the blonde was and immediately drove to her house. She didn't say anything, she just walked Brittany up to her room and lay on the bed with her for a little while. Knowing that she had somebody who cared about her as much as Santana did was enough for Brittany to feel at peace, if only for the night.


	3. The Dark I Know Well

**Author's Note: I may add some faberry to this as a side story/ship, and also, I highly doubt I will have Finn in this story at all cause I hate him. So this whole storyline will probably be very AU with Faberrittana friendship and stuff. Also, no pregnancy for Quinn. Hence AU.**

Santana hardly left Brittany's side for the next week until one day she had a doctor's appointment, forcing Brittany to go to school alone. Brittany tried to make her mother think she was sick, but her mother didn't fall for it and made her go to school anyway. She ended up being late to most of her classes.

When she was going to lunch, she was pulled into a janitor's closet. She heard the door lock and was freaking out, she had no clue what was going on. All of a sudden, she heard _him. _

"Well, well, well look who we have here, Brittany. Remember me?" Jesse laughed.

Brittany stuttered, "Y-yes."

He then grabbed her by the collar and said, "Remember our secret is still a secret right?"

Brittany took too long to reply so he pinned her up against the wall and said, "You have kept our secret right?"

Brittany then nodded and he slid his hand up her Cheerio skirt and whispered in her ear, "Cause if anybody ever found out, I'd have to tell them what a dirty little lying slut you are."

Brittany gulped and nodded again. He slid his hand further up her skirt and forced her underwear off. Then, he slid two fingers into her, and said, "You're going to be a good girl and keep this between us, right?"

"Y-y-yes."

"Good." He then pulled his pants and boxers down and forced his tip at her entrance.

Brittany stood still, frightened of what he might do. He then forced his lips on her as he entered her. Brittany tried to push him away but he was stronger and pinned her to the wall again. So, she just stayed silent and still, praying this nightmare would be over again soon. After he pulled out for the last time, he said, "Remember our little secret? If you tell ANYONE about this, I will not only tell everyone you lied but I will also kill you."

Brittany whimpered and nodded as Jesse left the room. She then ran to the locker room and grabbed an extra uniform from her locker. Then, she got in the shower and turned the water to scalding hot, and tried to clean Jesse away. However, it didn't work, so she just sat down on the shower floor and cried.

All of a sudden she heard someone walking towards her shower stall. She froze, having no clue what to do or say if someone saw her in this state.

It was Coach Sue, who asked, "Who's using my showers in the middle of the day?!"

"It's me, coach…" Brittany barely let out as she turned the water off and wrapped a towel around her tall, slender body.

The coach was taken aback by the fact that Brittany had a far off look in her eye and said, "Hey, Tweedle Dumb, you okay?"

"Yea, I'm fine. I just had a long day because Santana's not here and I miss her. Can I please just stay here until school's out?"

The coach furrowed her brow and after seeing Brittany's puppy dog look, said "Alright, just don't make a mess, okay?"

"Alright, thank you coach!" the blonde exclaimed!

"Yea, whatever," the coach responded and walked off.

Brittany sat there for a while thinking about what happened that afternoon and had no clue how to handle it. She considered going to talk to Mrs. Pillsbury, or even Coach Sue, but then she considered Jesse's threat. She didn't want to die, and didn't want everyone to think she lied. She had no clue what to do about it, so she just sat there on the bench in the Cheerio's locker room until the final bell rang.

It was time for Glee, but she couldn't go there, not with Jesse there and Santana not there to protect her. So, she just sat in the locker room, waiting for Glee to be over. Once it was time for Cheerios practice to start, she went outside to the football field and started running what she knew she would be forced to run once Coach Sue started yelling at them. After a few minutes, Quinn caught up with her and asked, "Hey, why weren't you in Glee today?"

Brittany gulped and said, "I don't know, I didn't want to go there without Santana, I guess."

"Oh," Quinn replied and added, "well I'm here for you too, okay?"

"Okay," Brittany responded, "But with Santana it's different."

"I know, Britt, but I'm still your friend and you can trust me."

"Yea, I know."

After that, they had to run about 20 more laps before Coach Sylvester forced them into practicing some of the insane routines she came up with. After another hour and a half, Coach Sue told them to go shower.

Once Brittany was home, she locked herself in her room, sat on her bed and brought her knees up to her chin and let the tears she'd been holding in all day roll down her face. Then, she texted Santana, making sure she'd pick her up in the morning. Once she got a response, she lay down with her legs clenched shut and eyes focused on the ceiling. She didn't get any sleep that night.


	4. Light In The Darkness

The next day Santana picked Brittany up and she noticed something was off with the blonde. Once Brittany got in the car and they were on the way to school, Santana asked, "You okay babe?"

"Huh?" Brittany asked.

"Are you okay? You seem really out of it."

"I-I-I'm f-f-fine."

"Okay, I love you Britt."

"I love you too…"

Once they pulled into the school parking lot, Brittany sat frozen in her seat.

"Hey B, we got to go in the school okay?"

Brittany just shook her head.

"Brittany what's wrong?"

"N-nothing," Brittany lied and got out of the car.

They interlinked arms and walked to every class together. They weren't separated at all that day. They didn't leave each other's sides at Glee club or Cheerios practice. However, the next day, in between two of her classes, Brittany walked to the bathroom when she was met with a note thrust at her and Jesse winking at her. She immediately went to the bathroom and read the note. It said, "Meet me in the auditorium girl's bathroom during lunch or else….you know what will happen."

Brittany gulped and threw the note away. Then, she walked to her next class. She had it with Santana, who noticed how distraught the blonde seemed and asked her again if she was okay, to which Brittany responded, "Yea…fine, the school's bathroom are just disgusting is all…"

Santana laughed and held Brittany's hand for the rest of the period. At lunch time, Brittany said she had to take care of something so she couldn't go to lunch. Santana furrowed her brow but nodded and went to lunch by herself.

Once in the auditorium bathroom, she found Jesse, who immediately locked the door. He had an evil smirk on his face and said, "Take off your uniform."

Brittany stood frozen and said, "W-w-why?"

"Oh, silly girl you know why…."

"I-I-I-I don't want to."

"Do it or I'll take it off for you."

Brittany just stood frozen so Jesse grabbed her wrists very tightly, causing her to whimper and pinned her up against the wall and forced her uniform off. Then, he took her bra and panties off and slid his pants down, still holding her up against the wall. Brittany just whimpered to which Jesse replied, "If you don't keep still, I'll do it to your precious little friends too. And remember this is our little secret."

He then forced himself into her and she whimpered some more, but he just covered her mouth and said, "I'm not telling you again. Be quiet if you know what's good for you."

Brittany just closed her eyes and let him finish. Once he was done, he took her panties and said, "This is my souvenir. And remember, Brittany, don't say a word."

Brittany just nodded and once he left, put her uniform back on. Then she went and sat on the toilet. She soon got a text from Santana asking her where she was. She responded her location and Santana was soon in the bathroom.

"Brittany, which stall are you in?"

"Right here," Brittany barely whispered. She was in the stall closest to the edge of the bathroom.

Santana opened the door and said, "Britt Britt are you okay? What's wrong?"

Silence.

"Britt, what's wrong?"

Brittany just stood up and went to the sink, turned the water to scalding hot, and burnt her hands.

Santana, noticing this, turned the water off and said, "Britt, no. Stop that."

Brittany didn't respond, just sat down on the floor with a blank expression on her face. Then Santana noticed her wrists had hand marks around them and asked, "Brittany, who did this to your wrist?"

All Santana received in response was silence. So she said, "Alright, we're going to the nurse."

Brittany just shook her head and Santana said, "Okay, what about Mrs. Pillsbury?"

Brittany nodded, got up off the floor and grabbed Santana's hand. Then, they walked to Mrs. Pillsbury's office.

They knocked on the door and the ginger woman told them to come in. Once they were seated, she asked, "What can I do for you ladies today?"  
Brittany just looked down at the floor in shame.

Santana spoke up and said, "She was in the auditorium bathroom, in the stall. She has these hand marks on her wrist. I don't know what happened for sure, but I think I have an idea.

Brittany just shook her head and let the tears fall from her face.

Mrs. Pillsbury then said, "If someone is hurting you, you need to tell someone, Brittany. We can help you. I know it's hard, but you're a bright young lady and you can do this."

After a few minutes, Brittany grabbed a paper and pencil from Santana's bag and wrote down everything. Then, she showed it to Santana, who read it and said, "Baby girl, we have to show this to Mrs. Pillsbury, okay?"

Brittany just nodded, still looking down at the floor while Mrs. Pillsbury read the paper. Once she was finished reading the note, she said, "Brittany, I have to report this, okay? I'm obligated by law. The police will be here and they will probably make you go to the hospital to get a rape kit. Are you okay with that?"

Brittany took a deep breath and nodded and hung on to Santana like it was her life support as they waited for the police to arrive.


	5. Dark Before The Dawn

"Tana…stay," Brittany said. They were in the hospital waiting for the doctor to come in and do her rape kit. Santana had asked her if she wanted to leave when they did the rape kit and that was Brittany's answer.

Brittany's mother hadn't arrived yet. She had work until 4:00, but would be there as soon as possible. Her father was a lawyer and probably wouldn't even be able to come to the hospital.

"Okay, baby girl, I won't leave you for a second. Do you want Quinn and Rachel to know where we are?"

Brittany merely nodded. They had both been friends with Quinn and Rachel since the age of five. They had been inseparable most of their lives. However, with recent events, Brittany hadn't really spoken to either one o them.

Santana texted both Rachel and Quinn and once she got a response, said, "Baby girl, they're going to come once school is out, which will be soon. Don't worry, no one's going to say anything to anybody, okay?"

Brittany merely nodded and held Santana's hand tightly. She let tears fall down her cheek and Santana wiped them with her thumb and said, "Don't worry, baby girl, it's all going to be okay. They've got Jessie in jail. We're going to put him in prison okay?"

Brittany responded with a nod and just gripped Santana's hand harder. Soon after that, the doctor came in and performed the rape kit. It was extremely uncomfortable and Brittany squeezed her eyes shut, whimpered and held Santana's hand tightly.

After what felt like forever, the doctor said, "Okay, all done. Now, we're going to run some tests for STD's and pregnancy. Then the police are going to interview you. Is that alright Miss Pierce?"

Brittany just nodded. After what felt like forever, the police came in the room and said, "Hello, Brittany. I am Detective Johnson and this is my partner, Detective Smith. We're here to get your side of the story. May we talk to you alone?" He said the last part with his head pointing at Santana.

Brittany responded with, "I want Tana to stay. Please."

Detective Johnson nodded and said, "Very well. Can you tell us everything that happened?"

"From the beginning?" Brittany asked.

Both detectives nodded and Detective Smith said, "Take your time sweetie, it's okay."

Brittany squeezed Santana's hand harder and said, "Freshmen year, I went to cheerleading camp…that summer. Someone came into my cabin and…they….raped me. I now realize it was Jessie because I would recognize that voice anywhere."

Brittany had tears sliding down her cheeks and after a reassuring squeeze from her best friend's hand, said, "Then, um, a couple weeks ago, I heard his voice in the hallway asking if he kept our secret. He had told me not to tell anyone and I hadn't up to that point. Not really, anyway. I just told people it was an alien invasion to make the pain less. Then, the other day, Santana wasn't at school because she had a doctor's appointment. I didn't want to go to school without her because she's my best friend. And um, at some point during the day, I think it might have been close to lunch time, I'm not sure, he forced me into a janitor's closet and locked the door. He told me I better not have told anyone what happened or he would kill me and tell everyone I was a lying slut."

Brittany was sobbing by now and Santana just kept squeezing her hand. Then, she asked, "Baby girl, do you need a break?"

"No. I just want to get this over with," she responded and both the detectives and Santana nodded.

"I…um...he put his hands under my skirt while he was telling me this and then he put his finger in me. Then he took his pants and boxers off and raped me. He told me no one would believe me if I told them. I didn't say anything about that until today. Then, um, today, he gave me a note that said to meet him in the auditorium or else I knew what would happen. I went to the bathroom and threw the note away. It's in one of the school's trashcans if you need it for evidence."

The police nodded and she said, "Then, when I got to the auditorium at lunch time, he told me to take off my Cheerio's uniform. I asked him why. He said I knew why. I said I didn't want to so then he pinned me up against the wall, and gripped my wrists really tightly. He took my uniform and bra and panties off. Then he took his boxers off and raped me again. Then he pulled his boxers and pants up and said that the panties were his souvenir. Then I sat in the bathroom stall until Santana texted me and met me in the bathroom. Then we went to Mrs. Pillsbury's office and…well you know the rest."

"Alright, thank you Miss Pierce. You were very brave. That took a lot of courage. We will be in contact with you, okay?"

Brittany merely nodded and gripped Santana's hand tighter. Once the detectives left she said, "Tana, I need to go to the bathroom."

"Okay, sweetheart, let's go to the restroom."

They went to the restroom and Brittany immediately got down on her knees and threw up in the toilet. Santana held her hair up and rubbed her back and said, "I'm going to get a nurse, okay? And they'll get you some water and crackers."

"Okay," Brittany responded.

Santana went and got a nurse who gave Brittany something for her stomach, and some water and crackers. Soon after that, Rachel and Quinn came into the room.

Brittany was laying down and said, "Hi guys."

"Hey beautiful," said Rachel, "We missed you in Glee today."

"Yea and we missed you in Cheerios too," added Quinn.

Brittany nodded her head and started crying again, to which Santana said, "Baby, they aren't mad at you. They just missed you."

"I know, I know, I'm sorry…"

Quinn and Rachel immediately walked over to her, they each gave her a hug, and Rachel said, "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to upset you."

The tiny brunette was trying to conceal her tears, but she started crying anyway. Quinn just rubbed her back and said, "Rach, it's okay. It's okay."

Rachel calmed herself down and said, "I'm sorry, Brittany. I'm just…I'm sorry. We just missed you and I'm sorry."

Brittany then grabbed Rachel's hand and said, "It's okay. Honestly, I think I even saw Santana crying earlier. We can all just have a crying festival. It's okay, I'm upset, obviously but I do recognize that it must be hard for you all too."

"Thanks, Britt," said, Quinn and Rachel together. Then, Quinn added and said, "Santana, you cried?"

"Shut up, I have a heart, but if you or Rachel tell anyone I said that I'll go all Lima Heights on your ass."

They all laughed at that. Then, Brittany said, "I love you all so much. Thank you for being here. I'm not sure how to deal with everything right now, but it's nice to know I have friends right now. It means a lot. I love you all so much."

They all hugged her at that and stayed talking for a few minutes until they heard Brittany's mother come into the room.

"Girls, can I please talk to my daughter alone?" Mrs. Pierce asked.

"I want Tana to stay, mommy. Please."

"Okay, Santana can stay. Rachel, Quinn, it's a pleasure to see you both again."

They both nodded and gave Brittany and Santana a hug bye.

Then Mrs. Pierce said, "Baby, are you okay?"

Brittany just shook her head and let the tears she'd been holding in all afternoon fall. Her mother then crawled into her bed with her, held her around the stomach, and said, "Shh, baby girl, mommy's here."

Brittany mumbled something incoherently and then said, "Santana, it's okay, you can go now."

Santana nodded, gave her best friend a tight hug and said, "Remember, I love you, Rachel loves you, Quinn loves you ,your mom loves you, the Glee club loves you. Heck, I think that even Sue Sylvester loves you. And that's saying something. I'll come by your house later okay? And I'll even bring Fabgay and Berry with me."

Brittany nodded and gave Santana a kiss on the cheek. Once Santana left, Brittany went back to being wrapped in her mother's strong arms and said, "I'm sorry I didn't tell you, Mommy. I'm so sorry."

"Shhhhhh. Baby girl, you have nothing to be sorry for.

They stayed like that for a few minutes until the doctor told them it was okay for Brittany to come home. They slept in the same bed that night, as they held onto each other tightly, trying to forget everything that had happened. Sleep didn't come easily for either of them that night. Brittany finally let herself relax in her mother's strong arms and drifted off to sleep.


	6. Wounds

**Author's Note: I am SO SORRY about all of my fics being put off for a while. I've had a tough month. Namely, my grandfather died and stuff. I am SO SORRY. I will update all of them as soon as I am inspired. Meanwhile, here's this update.**

The next morning Brittany woke up in her mother's bed. She was confused at first, wondering where she was. After a few minutes, she realized she was in her mom's room, still entangled in her mother's arms. She looked at the clock, which said 10:00. She tried to fall back asleep, but she couldn't. After a few minutes, she gently removed her mom's arms and got up. Then, she went to her room, changed into some sweat pants and a t-shirt and decided to go for a run.

Once dressed, she grabbed a bottle of cold water out of the refrigerator, wrote her mother a note explaining where she was, and went outside. She then walked to the park and ran until she couldn't feel anything anymore. After about two hours, she was exhausted and ran home, where her mother was sitting in the kitchen with a serious look on her face.

"We need to talk," her mother said.

"Okay," Brittany replied.

"I've got you an appointment with a sexual assault counselor. She'll be able to help you with anything that you're feeling."

Brittany's pulse was still racing from the run she just had and this made her heart rate go even faster as she said, "Mom, I'm fine, I don't need to go see some stupid shrink."

"I know that's what you think, but please at least consider this?"

"Whatever, mom," Brittany replied.

"Brittany, I really think it's what's best for you."

"Yea, well, don't I get a say in this?"

"Brittany, you're going. Your first appointment is Wednesday after school. You are going. End of discussion."

Brittany rolled her eyes at her mom and said, "Fine, I'll go."

Her mother then hugged her and said, "I love you, baby girl. Never forget that."

"I love you too, mom. I'm going to my room now okay?"

"Wait…are you hungry? You must be, you ran for like two hours! I'm making spaghetti and meatballs for lunch….your favorite."

"Thanks, mom, but I'm honestly not that hungry."

That was a lie of course, but she couldn't force herself to eat. Everything was making her feel sick to her stomach. First, she gets raped by Jesse St. Dickhead and now she has to go see a counselor for something that was done to her? Totally not fair.

She ran up to her room and put her head face down on the pillow. However, she found she couldn't sleep because all of her dreams turned into nightmares with Jesse always making an appearance. The thought of him alone made her sick to her stomach.

Brittany decided to get up and take a shower and wash him off of her again. After she let the hot water pour over her skin. Then, she scrubbed her skin as hard as she could. Still, it wasn't enough as the thought of Jesse was still in her head. After a while, she decided she wanted to shave her legs seeing as she hadn't done so in what felt like forever. As she was shaving, she accidentally nicked a spot on her leg and it started to bleed a lot. She didn't try to stop the bleeding because she felt relief wash over her as she saw the blood poor down her leg. It felt good, like the pain was gone, if only for a second.

After watching her leg bleed, she decided to experiment. She thought about all the bad things going on in her life and decided to cut her shoulder. She dug the blade into her skin and watched fascinated as the blood flowed from her shoulder down to the shower floor. It felt good and she felt what she thought relief was washing over her. What she didn't know was this was an addiction forming.

After she got out of the shower, she decided to change into pajamas. She was unusually tired as it was only 4:00 in the afternoon. However, she didn't want to have to put up with her mom asking questions for the rest of the day so she yelled that she was extremely tired and was just going to take a nap. However, she ended up sleeping until 8:00 the next day

. It was a Sunday. She decided to go for her daily run again. However, when she got back home, she wasn't hungry for the second day in a row. Her mother asked if she was okay. She responded with a smile and a nod before bolting up the stairs and taking another boiling hot shower.

After a few minutes of being in the shower, she decided to use her razor to make everything go away again. This time, she took the razor to her thigh and cut herself several times there. After she was done, she got out of the shower, dried off, and put pajama pants and a t-shirt on. Then, she went to bed early again. However, this time she didn't sleep. She just stared at the ceiling wishing she could disappear.

Her mother was starting to worry about her, so she called Santana and asked her to come see if she could coax her daughter out of her room.

Santana immediately drove over to the Pierce's house. She knocked on the door and Mrs. Pierce let her in. She then went upstairs to Brittany's room and was immediately concerned with what she saw.

"Britt…your mom's worried about you…I mean, I know you're not okay but what's got you cooped over?"

Silence.

Santana walked closer to Brittany's bed, held Britt's hand and said, "I'm sorry all this has happened to you. We all just want you to be okay."

Brittany didn't respond.

"Okay, well I know you're really sad right now, so you're probably not going to respond, but I'm going to stay right here until I'm forced to go home. Okay?"

And Santana kept that promise. She stayed there all day until her mother called her and told her she had to come on. Before leaving, she gave Mrs. Pierce a hug and said, "She's going to be okay. I know she will."

Mrs. Pierce nodded, hoping Santana was right.


	7. Scarred Hearts

***AUTHOR'S NOTE: I've been extremely busy this summer, which is why I haven't updated in any of my fanfics. I am trying my best, but it's hard. Thank you for staying with me on this story. **

Brittany woke up the next morning and decided to attempt to go to school. She took a boiling hot shower, put on a huge, long sleeved t-shirt, and sweat pants. Then, she walked downstairs, sat down at the table silently and waited for her mother to take her to school. Her mother came downstairs about five minutes later and they both rode to the school in silence.

Before Brittany could get out of the car, her mom looked at her and said, "You know I love you right?" Brittany merely nodded, got out of the car, and walked to her homeroom class.

She was silent all day, and wouldn't verbally respond to anyone, not even Santana. Around lunchtime, Santana asked if she was coming to Cheerios practice. Brittany shook her head and just sat there. She didn't eat anything because she wasn't hungry. She was too depressed and disgusted with herself to think about food. Santana kept glancing at her like she was a China doll and it usually would piss her off, but today she didn't care. She just wanted to be in bed, under the covers.

Coming to school was a bad idea because all she heard were whispers about what happened. No one knew what really happened or even bothered to ask. She went to the rest of her classes, but skipped Glee and decided to walk home, which was a bad idea.

About three blocks from her house, she encountered some of Vocal Adrenaline's group. They all gave her disgusting look.

One of the bigger girls grabbed her by the collar and said "You only did this so we wouldn't have a chance at Regionals."

The girl then punched her in the face and shoved her on the ground. She didn't even try to get up. One of the members put their foot on her throat while the others threw eggs all over her. Then, one of the guys pulled her up and spat in her face.

"That'll teach you to mess with us, bitch." They said and ran off.

Brittany stood there motionless, not knowing what to was still on the very same sidewalk about an hour later when Rachel Berry pulled up and said, "Oh my god, Brittany what happened to you?"

Brittany didn't respond. However, Rachel took her hand and lead her to the other side of the vehicle.

"Brittany, I'm going to take you to your house, so you can get cleaned up okay? Will you need any help?"

Brittany shook her head. However, Rachel was reluctant to let her be alone.

"How about I come in with you while you shower and I'll help you with the first aid for your face? They busted your lip and you look like you're going to have a black eye. Do you want me to tell Santana?"

Brittany vaguely nodded her head. Soon after, they arrived at the Pierce house. Brittany went upstairs to shower while Rachel called Santana.

At the school, Santana was alarmed to hear her phone going off, "Rupaul, I'm not interested in the tranny prom."

"You need to come to Brittany's house. I think she decided to walk home and was beat up a few miles from her house."

"I'm coming and I'm taking Quinn with me."

Meanwhile, in the shower, Brittany was doing her best to get everything off of her. She still smelt the eggs after about an hour of showering, so she gave up. However, before she got out of the shower, she grabbed her razor and cut her upper shoulder. All of the pain and sadness from the day went away when she saw the blood come out of her shoulder.

Then, she put on a pair of pajamas and headed downstairs, where Rachel was waiting for her.

"Sit down on the couch, Brittany. I'm going to get you an icepack okay?"

Brittany merely nodded and sat down. After Rachel handed her the ice pack, the diva asked her, "Are you going to tell me who did this or do you want to wait until Santana gets here?"

Brittany shrugged her shoulders and as if on cue, Santana marched right in with an angry looking Quinn right behind her.

Santana immediately ran over to where Brittany was and said, "What happened?"

Brittany just shook her head and started to cry. She somehow managed to mumble, "Vocal Adrenaline."

"Britt, we have to report this," Quinn said.

Brittany just shook her head and continued to cry. Santana immediately held her best friend and rocked her gently back and forth.

"Britt, it's okay, it's going to be okay."

"I just….I feel…I see him everywhere."

Rachel and Quinn immediately stood on either side of their two best friends comforting Brittany.

Santana replied, "I know, baby, I know."

All of a sudden there was a knock on the door. Quinn decided to answer it and the last person she wanted to see was at the door.

"What the hell are you doing here?"


	8. SIck Of It

**Author's Note: ****I am so sorry all of my updates are taking so long. This is my most popular story, so I wanted to go ahead and update it. I wanted to a couple weeks ago, but Cory Monteith died and a bunch of stuff is going on in my life. Rest in peace Cory Monteith.**

**And here is Chapter 8**

_All of a sudden there was a knock on the door. Quinn decided to answer it and the last person she wanted to see was at the door._

_"What the hell are you doing here?" Quinn yelled_.

Standing at the door was none other than William Schuster.

"I'm here because I heard you girls were in trouble and that you filed some sort of law suit, Brittany. I would drop the charges if I were you." he said sassily with an evil glint in his eye. They never had been able to trust this man completely.

Brittany didn't respond, but Santana did and she went right up to him and said, "Oh hell no, you do not get to come in here and be all judgmental against my girlfriend and threaten her. Go the fuck away!"

Santana gasped, realizing what she had just said. However, soon after that, Mr. Schuster said, "I just came here to make sure you girls were okay."

But Mr. Schuster had this look in his eye that told the girls he was scheming something. After a few minutes of silence, Quinn said, "What the hell are you doing here? We told you we didn't want Jesse in the glee club. Don't you get it? He HURT Brittany. And he hurt her bad. You've pretty much ruined everything and we fucking hate you for it. So go the fuck away and good luck seeing any of us in Glee club. Also, I'm sure one word with the boys and Tina and they'll quit too. Now, leave before I call the cops."

After Quinn threatened Mr. Schuster, he left their house and Quinn slammed the door in his face.

Right after that, Quinn noticed the look of anger in Santana's eyes and panic in Brittany's. She gave Rachel a look that said, 'take care of Britt, I got San.'.

Rachel took Brittany upstairs and Quinn took Santana's hand and said, "Breathe."

"Do not tell me to breathe, Quinn! I AM SO FUCKING ANGRY RIGHT NOW. That bastard of a teacher just came in here and told my…whatever she is to me…not to press charges against the man that RAPED her. You do not understand how angry I am."

"I think I do understand. We've all been best friends for years, San. I know it's hard, but with everything going on, you need to find an outlet for your anger. Smash plates, or get a punching bag. But don't go all crazy because it will scare Brittany."

While Quinn said this stuff, Santana knelt down on the floor and cried. Quinn knelt down with her and held her while she cried. She know how hurt Santana was that Brittany was hurting and sometimes, people needed to cry. At this point, Quinn was crying too and they both sat there and cried for a good hour or so.

Meanwhile, Brittany was having a hard time breathing and her heart rate had picked up. She was shaking and freezing. Rachel sat Brittany down on the bed, and felt her head. It was slightly warm, so she took her temperature and it was 101 degrees.

"Britt, do you feel sick to your stomach or have a headache or anything?" Rachel asked.

Brittany pointed to her head and her stomach, "Vocal Adrenaline hurt me bad."

"I know, honey, but did you feel sick before that?"

Brittany shook her head, and Rachel just said, "Alright, well take off your clothes down to your tank top and underwear and I'll get you an ice pack, some water, and some Tylenol and tell Santana and Quinn, alright?"

Brittany merely nodded her head.

When Rachel got downstairs, she saw Quinn and Santana hugging each other. She cleared her throat and said, "You girls okay?"  
"Yea, we just needed to cry." Quinn said and Santana nodded.

"Okay, well Brittany has a fever of 101, is shaking and shivering. She also seems like she's having a hard time breathing, but that may be her anxiety from earlier. So Quinn, you and I will get her an ice pack and Santana, will you take her some ice water and some Tylenol.

Santana nodded and did what she was asked to do.

"Baby, are you okay?" Quinn asked Rachel as they were getting Brittany an icepack.

"No, I'm not. I have to quit Glee club because of what happened to Brittany and I know you all would do the same for me. And believe me I want to kill Jessie AND Schuester, but it hurts because music's the only thing I've ever been good at in my whole life. Without it, I'm nothing."

"That's not true, Rach. You're amazing at so many things."

"Yea, show me?"

"How about I make a list and show you at the end of the week?"

"Okay…" Rachel replied.

Then, Quinn kissed her on the cheek and Rachel smiled a cheeky smile and they both ran upstairs to Brittany's room.

When they reached the room, Brittany was asleep and Santana was looking at her like a lost puppy dog.

"How is she doing?" Quinn asked.

"Her fever went up. It's 103 now, so we might have to take her to the hospital later if it goes up." Santana replied.

"Okay, well, we brought her up an ice pack, did she take her medicine?" Rachel replied as Quinn put the ice pack on Brittany's forehead.

"Yea, and then she went to sleep. I'm scared." Santana replied.

"We are too," said Quinn, "But right now, we need to make sure her fever doesn't go up. We'll take turns staying in here until her mom gets home. Every few hours, we'll check her temperature. If it gets to 104, we'll go to the hospital and call her mom and let her know. I'll stay in here with her first. Does that sound okay to you both?"

Santana and Rachel nodded and walked out of the room while Quinn gave Brittany's sleeping body an extremely worried look.


	9. Darlin'

**Author's Note: Thank you for all the kind reviews! I love you all so much! This chapter will explore a lot of Mrs. Pieerce's point of view. **

Quinn, Rachel, and Santana tried to stay up and continuously check on Brittany, but eventually they all passed out. Rachel was the last one up and left a note for Mrs. Pierce explaining why they were staying the night.

The next morning, Rachel opened her eyes and saw Mrs. Pierce standing right above her with concerning eyes.

"Good morning Mrs. Pierce," Rachel said as she sat up on the couch where she passed out.

"Good morning, Rachel. How are you feeling?"

"I'm kind of stressed out, but I'll be okay. We all have to be here for Brittany. How is she right now?"

"Her temperature is 103.5. If it gets any higher, I'm taking her to the hospital. After I checked hers, I checked all yours, Quinn's and Santana's too. Quinn and Santana are fine, but you have a temperature of 101, so if we take Brittany, you need to stay in here on the couch. I called and told your dads you could stay here since Brittany was sick anyway."

"Thanks, Mrs. Pierce, but I'll be okay," Rachel said as she tried to get up, but then she fell right back down because she was so exhausted.

"Lay down, Rachel. Get some rest. I don't want your temperature getting any higher. Quinn and Santana went to go get orange juice and medicine. And they even are getting you vegan friendly stuff. Now, lie down and go back to sleep, honey."

Rachel lay back down and Mrs. Pierce tucked her in and gave her a kiss on the head. Then, she went upstairs to check on her daughter. When she got to Brittany's room, she became concerned because her daughter wasn't lying down like she had been an hour ago. She then went to check her daughter's bathroom and it was locked. So, she grabbed a bobby pin from her daughter's dresser and unlocked the door. When she opened the door, she saw her daughter sitting on the toilet half naked. Mrs. Pierce was shocked. Brittany was skin and bones, with a razor in her hand sliding it across her legs. She already had three bleeding cuts on her arm and there were a lot of new and old ones all over her upper arms and thighs. Mrs. Pierce was in shock, but she thought fast about what to do.

She immediately grabbed a rag, wet it, ran over to Brittany and put it on her daughter's leg to apply pressure where she had just cut herself. Then, she felt her daughter's head and it was still burning up.

She picked her daughter up and half carried her to the bed, and said, "Do not move, I'm going to get a thermometer."

She ran to her room, grabbed a thermometer, ran back to Brittany's room, and put the thermometer in her ears. Her temperature was 105, so she immediately called 911.

When someone answered the phone, she gave them her address and said, "My daughter's temperature is 105, and she's skin and bones. I just found her on her toilet cutting herself. She had a dazed off look in her eyes and she's been sick, but I didn't know she'd been cutting herself. Okay, I'll take her downstairs and we'll wait for you there."

When they came downstairs, they heard the ambulance pull up. The paramedics came in and put Brittany on the stretcher while Mrs. Pierce left Rachel, Quinn and Santana a note explaining where they were at. Then, she ran to her car and followed the ambulance to the hospital. She was extremely worried for her daughter, so when she got to the hospital, she ran in with the paramedics that had her daughter on the stretcher. They had her hooked up to an IV, had her blood pressure taken, and were running all sorts of tests before they put her into a room.

Brittany passed out soon after all the tests were done, so Mrs. Pierce went to her and held her daughter's hand and said, "Baby girl, I wish I could make all this better for you. They'll have the lab results soon and hopefully you're not too sick. Or you'll get better soon. Quinn, Santana and Rachel would be here, but Rachel's sick too. Santana might come later anyway though 'cause you know how she is," she added with a slight laugh, "Anyway, I love you baby girl. I really do. I want you to be okay again. I want you to smile and laugh and be happy and I don't want you to hurt yourself. When you're feeling better, they'll probably give you a psychiatric evaluation. Just be honest, okay? I want to see you get better and heal from all this bullshit, okay? I love you so much."

Then, she began to sing to her one of her favorite songs

_Darlin', you're hiding in the closet once again,_

_Start smiling, _

_I know you're trying real hard not to turn your head away._

_Face tomorrow, tomorrow's not yesterday, yesterday, oh oh._

_Pretty please, I know it's a drag. Wipe your eyes and put up your head._

_I wish you could be happy instead._

_There's nothing else I can do, but love you the best that I can._

_Yea, yea._

_Darlin', I was there once a while ago, I know_

_That it's hard to be stuck _

_With people that you love when nobody trusts._

_Pretty please I know it's a drag,_

_Wipe your eyes and put up your head, _

_I wish you could be happy instead,_

_There's nothing else I can do, but love you the best that I can._

_Yea, yea, that I can oh oh_

_You're not the only one who's been through_

_I've been there alone and now, so are you._

_I just want you to know, I want you to know_

_It's NOT YOUR FAULT, it's NOT YOUR FAULT,_

_Oh, oh, your fault, your fault,_

_It's not your fault, your fault, your fault your fault,_

_Pretty please I know it's a drag,_

_Wipe your eyes and put up your head_

_I wish you could be happy instead,_

_There's nothing else I can do, but love you the best that I can._

_Pretty please I know it's a drag,_

_Wipe your eyes and put up your head,_

_I wish you could be happy instead,_

_There's nothing else I can do but love you the best that I can._

_Darlin', you're hiding in the closet once again, start smiling._

Soon, after that, she drifted off to sleep in the chair she was sitting in next to her daughter's bed and they both slept as peacefully as they could.

**Author's Note again: I do not own the song, Darlin' by Avril Lavigne or Glee or any of that stuff. Anyways, hope you enjoyed. I wanted to explore the momma's point of view this chapter. Don't worry, you'll see more of Santana, Quinn and Rachel next chapter. Also, Brittany is in bad shape right now, but she should be able to perk up eventually with the right treatment. But you'll have to read the story to find out ;)**


	10. Smile

**Author's Note: I am so sorry it took so long to update. I have to be inspired to write. This chapter probably isn't that great so I'm sorry for that. I do not own Glee or Smile by Charlie Chaplin. Thank you for all your kind words. I love you all so much. Here's the update. **

Rachel woke up later that day in a daze, wondering where she was. Then, the memories of that morning came back to her and Quinn and Santana were sitting in the kitchen. She sat up on the couch and said, "Where are Mrs. Pierce and Brittany?"

"They had to go to the hospital because Brittany is very sick," Santana said, her throat tightening, as Quinn rubbed Santana's back.

They both walked to where Rachel was sitting. Quinn put a hand on her forehead and said, "How are you feeling? Your head feels a lot cooler than it did earlier."

"I'm feeling better. I'll just have to keep taking medicine for a couple days, I guess." Rachel replied.

After a few moments of silence, Rachel asked, "Are we going to be able to go see Brittany? I want to see her."

"Yes, we can go visit Brittany later, but we have to make sure you're feeling better first." Quinn replied.

"Okay," Rachel replied.

After a few more hours at home, Rachel's temperature stayed normal, so they decided to go to the hospital and visit Brittany.

When they reached Brittany's room in the hospital, Brittany looked all but unconscious.

Santana walked up to Mrs. Pierce, gave her a hug and asked, "How's she doing?"

"She's really sick. I don't know what's wrong with my baby. I just want her to be okay," Mrs. Pierce sobbed. Santana sighed and rubbed her back.

After a few minute of composing herself, Mrs. Pierce said, "How about me, Quinn and Rachel go get some coffee and some snacks and you can talk to Brittany for a little bit?"

"Yea, that sounds good," Santana replied.

After Quinn, Rachel, and Mrs. Pierce left the room, Santana knelt down so her face could be even with Brittany's, gently took her best friend's hand and said, "I know you've been through a lot lately, but I just want you to be happy. You're an amazing person and I love you so much. You don't deserve to hurt at all. You deserve a long, happy life. I wish you would let us in. I know you're trying to push us away by shutting down. Please let me, Rachel, your mom, Quinn, one of us inside your walls. Please let us help you. Baby, I just…I want you to be happy again. I want you to genuinely smile again. And I know it's hard right now because Jesse, that stupid bastard took so much away from you. But he can't take away your happiness. Don't let him take away your smile, your happiness. I need to see that in you again, Britt. I love you so much. And I know you're not going to want to but give the therapy thing a try, yeah? It might help a lot. I just want you to be happy."

Nearing the end of her speech, Santana realized there were tears in her eyes but she didn't care. She'd meant every word of what she said to Brittany. After a few minutes, she pulled herself together and started to sing.

"_Smile though your heart is aching_

_ Smile even though it's breaking_

_ When there are clouds in the sky, you'll get by_

_ If you smile through your fear and sorrow,_

_ Smile and maybe tomorrow _

_You'll see the sun come shining through for you _

_Light up your face with gladness,_

_Hide every trace of sadness although a tear may be ever so near._

_That's the time you must keep on trying,_

_Smile, what's the use of crying?_

_You'll find that life is still worthwhile if you just smile. _


End file.
